Seeking help

Etienne took out a picture of Swetha he had in his wallet. If only his life growing up had been normal, maybe he would be living a life like anyone else now.

If only his mother had not left him, 

If only his father was less absent in his life

If only...

Well, he could not change the past but he could change how his life moves on from now. 

Did he have the guts to make that call?

Etienne had been pacing in his living room staring at the phone each time he walked past it. 

"I'll tell the psychiatrist everything from the start," he thought, except the part about eating Swetha. 

He had found the psychiatrist on a website online. He would make an anonymous call and find out how it works and if he was convinced, he might take that next big step to get rid if this monster inside him. 

His heart still hurt from what he had done to Swetha and he was determined not to hurt Nandhini, but more than anything he wanted to live a normal life.

Reminiscing

 Etienne's head was throbbing. 

Since he got home after his meeting with Nandhini, all he could think of was Swetha. Memories of her sweet smile and the way her laughter sounded like wind chimes came back to haunt him. 

He loved the feel of her brown skin. Her hair used to flow around him like a black satin whenever she hugged him. More than all that he had absolute love for her. 

That was the trouble. 

He  loved her so much that he could not bear the thought of not having her. He still could not understand why he did what he did. He knew it wasn't right but the only way he felt he could not lose her was to make her a part of him and that was to eat her.

His mind went back to that night where his desire took over his senses and he ended up killing the person he loved. There hasn't been a day that he did not feel bad for his actions but he also knew he had no control over his actions. 

He ever thought of getting help but he was also not ready to be in trouble with the law. He kept to himself all those years after the Swetha incident but now with Nandhini, he was afraid his old self would return. He had also been lucky to not get caught but he can't be too sure the next time would be the same.

Maybe, he should avoid getting too close to Nandhini. As much as he wanted to be with her, it was not safe for her to be in his presence - alone.

Till he found a way to deal with his cannibal tendencies, he had to maintain a distance with Nandhini.